How To Bridesmaid: On Expectations and To-Do’s

Girl, it’s time to light those crackers up! You are the chosen one. I bet you want to give your friend a great send off into their matrimonial life. In doing so, you will need to remain the voice of reason. Show your girl the support and provide the consolation needed as she approaches that next major milestone in life. So, where do you start? Let’s explore what is expected of us. Herein this post lies a short list of a modern bridesmaid’s duties, a simple crash-course on ‘How to Bridesmaid’.

Here is the cheat sheet of your to-do’s:

Hold the fort Bridesmaids

The months leading up to the wedding as well as the day itself, are going to be very emotional. Be a trooper. Remain calm no matter how stressful the moments become. Most importantly, support and accept your bride’s decisions.

Be involved in the wedding prep

Offer to do specific things to aid the planning process. Perhaps your bride is making her invitations herself? Maybe she needs help sourcing bridesmaid dresses and accessories, wedding dress shopping or DJ hire. It’s the little things that count – so when the stress levels start to rise, surprise her with a pamper-hour, take her out for a coffee or get a pedicure together – surprise her with her favourite chocolate, whatever doubles as a ‘pick me up’.

Assist your bride with pre-wedding events


Organising a party does come with its handful of tasks. Be a part of the party and wedding activities. This includes prepping for an engagement party, rehearsal dinner, bachelorette party, and bridal shower.

What am I expected to pay for


As the role of being a bridesmaid has come a long way from our traditional counterparts, certain expectations have evolved with the times.

You are not a maid of money (pun intended) Be honest about your budget from the start. There shouldn’t be any set-in-stone rules about what must be paid for by the bridesmaid. At the end of the day, it boils down to what the bride is comfortable with, the level of formality and amount of control she wants to hold, and very importantly: her wedding budget.

Beauty A commonality is that couples are to pay for anything beauty related to the bridesmaids, specifically to the bride’s requests on the day of the wedding (think hair, makeup, nails etc…).

Clothing and Shoes I think this should rest on how stringent/flexible the bride is of her bridesmaids.
If she has an exact style of dress in mind, a specific cut and colour – it may be unfair to expect the bridesmaids to fork out for something they may not particularly like or want to wear again.
Pitching in on the outfit, at least, would be the fair way to go on behalf of the bride in these situations.
Again, this is a grey area, as financial commitments are awkward to delegate. If a bridesmaid can shop to her own budget and just follow a simple colour pallet, there is probably less obligation for your bride to pay.

Bachelorette Party
Traditionally, the only person who doesn’t pay for the bachelorette is the bride herself. Her share is usually covered by the flock of bridesmaids attending the party, including their own individual share.


Epic Wedding Gift


Take charge and rally your troops together. A great idea for many is to persuade the bridal party to pool together to buy one memorable wedding gift as opposed to a bunch of little ones that might land up somewhere in the back of the kitchen cupboards.


On the day damage control

Come prepared for the unexpected. Be ready to help out ensuring that everything goes according to play on W.Day! This could include overseeing deliveries; sewing on a missing button; collecting the last-minute wedding cake; applying that last bit of hairspray… (you get the idea).


Remember, you were chosen because you are family to her. She wouldn’t want to go ahead with this ordeal without you by her side, because you are a part of that happiness. A sentimental approach speaks volumes. If you don’t have a big budget to blow, have an open conversation with your girl over a bottle of bubbles and a face mask. It does not have to be a stress-ridden, problematic ordeal for anyone.  Make the most of this time together, and celebrate.


Written by Ali Karpf

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